You Can’t Say That!

Bringing Faith Into the Workplace

I once told someone that I couldn’t bring God into the workplace and the most amazing thing happened, she asked me “Why not?”. At the time, I shrugged and made up some lame answer because I truly didn’t have a sufficient response. What I hadn’t realized was that her decision to ask me “why not?” changed my life.

That’s the power of speaking your truth or being curious enough to understand others – you challenge assumptions or help others challenge their own. You also get a chance to learn so much more about yourself and for me, that moment was a “moment that mattered”. I started living the belief that you couldn’t hit pause on your faith because you or others are uncomfortable with it. Faith doesn’t come with an “on” or “off” switch.

As I matured and deepened my relationship with God, I began to understand the ultimate impact of being questioned on that “faith”ful day. You can’t wake up, give praise, and then forget about God until you get home from work. The workplace is a breeding ground for loving relationships as well as toxic ones and we need God’s help in navigating the terrain. He deserves our praise and continued faith throughout the day, not just when we clock out.

It’s funny because especially at work, you’re surrounded by people who are projecting the person that they want people to see. We all do it. Regardless of our work environment, we contain, dim and in some cases completely change who we are to protect the real “us”, the person we are when we are around people we trust. In the workplace, we are surrounded by impostors who struggle every moment with who they are vs. who they project. That’s why for me, staying grounded and rooted in my faith is so important for maintaining my mental, emotional, and physical well being.

I can’t leave god out of my story

I’ve learned and lived this the hard way – so when I decided to give blogging another shot, I was at a crossroads. I knew I wanted to share in the areas of career development, workplace dynamics and individual empowerment, yet I didn’t want to turn off an audience who wasn’t a believer in a higher power. I wanted to be inclusive and allow for my words to pertain to anyone who needed guidance, or at the very least access to my experience. I wanted to appeal to the masses and modify my story to be “one size fits all”. *chuckle* I was repeating my same mistake; I was actively in the present day excluding God from my story.

Smh.. crazy how that happens. The only difference is that this time, I heard his whisper and I shifted.

I can’t leave God out of my writing because my successes and failures are His doing. I did my part but only through His guidance, as His vessel for His work.

You don’t have to be a believer of God to read my blogs and learn from my experiences. We come from all walks of life, with all different faiths and a multitude of different perspectives. I know what works for me and I want to share what works with me with others. On my journey, God is the creator and I’m just the vessel, the character, the actor. I made the choice to accept God as my Lord and Savior in all things – home,work, life, driving, breathing, living, meditating, forgiving, loving and I pray that what I have to say brings guidance and “ah ha” moments to you all.

Thank you to the person for speaking up and questioning my ignorance. You were on assignment and I appreciate you.

Still figuring it out? You are NOT alone.

I must’ve asked the same question several different times during the course of this week, “What are your plans after you get your degree?” Many people didn’t have an answer. Some fumbled with their response. Others provided canned statements around wanting to pursue a terminal degree. A couple of them gave me an answer that didn’t justify the need to get the degree but whatever. I guess the one thing that we all had in common was that no one, not even me, ever really gave an answer as to what their plans were for the degree that they worked so hard for, whether it be a Master’s or a Ph.D. I was bewildered. Here I thought that I was the only one in the room that didn’t have my life figured out and come to find out, I’m one of many.

I believe that we as people have a hard time saying, “I don’t know what my plans are.” or “I haven’t quite figured that out yet.” Meanwhile, we’re all feeling it in some way, shape, or form. We don’t do well with being vulnerable, with letting people know that we don’t have it all together which ultimately leads to everyone thinking that they must have it all figured out. Which is sad. Sometimes it’s OK to say, I liked the topic, I felt a connection with the subject but I’m not sure what I am going to do with the information just yet. Or even better, I need the letters or the degree to prove credibility within the field. How much of a relief would that be, eh?

I think the purpose of this post is to say that the people that are walking around, doing “things” with their lives- the ones who you believe have it all figured out – the majority of them don’t. They are out here brainstorming with their life, throwing ideas on the wall to see if it sticks, trying new things and identifying what they like, meeting new people and conversing about whatever comes to mind. I had a full fledged discussion with a group of I/O Psychologists about Vegas and how one lived in Louisiana and have never visited New Orleans – we don’t have it all figured out.

The only difference between you and them is that they are doing. That’s it. I’m currently in Alabama on a trip that might be a waste of time and that’s OK. I had a guy ask me if anything that I’d learned on this trip would be useful to me in the future. I told him that what I’ve come to find is that I can use any and everything that I learn. Maybe not in the near future but possibly in the distant. Even if it’s only to stir up a commonality between me and another person, even if it’s just to make that connection, to be able to relate, to speak with experience – it’ll be something that I use.

I sat with a group of ladies who were talking about submitting to symposiums and writing their thesis. One wanted to write on diversity in leadership and the selection process, the other on bias around online degrees and you know what? It was beautiful. I was sitting amongst potential game changers in the field of IO Psychology and here they were – “figuring it out”. Lol. No one had a concrete plan of action, where pivots were accounted for and purposeful decisions were made. That’s not how it worked. We had a direction and possibly a mode of transportation but the route, the pit stops had not been thoroughly mapped out.

People are still figuring it out. Don’t think you’re behind the curve or that you can’t do what you want to do because life happened. Life is going to happen. If I’ve learned nothing else, I’ve learned that life is… life is hard and confusing. It’s tempting and troubling. It’s angry and upsetting but it’s also beautiful and sympathetic and forgiving and compassionate and hopeful. Life gives you chance after chance to do, to be.

Take advantage of it and figure it out!

XOXO

Establishing a Baseline for Yourself

I guess it’s the project manager in me but I love establishing a baseline of anything. Whether it be how much money I spend each month to how messy my house is on any given day – establishing a baseline gives you a starting point for whatever you are trying to accomplish. In this blog, I’ll discuss how you should go about establishing a baseline of yourself which is critical to moving forward with the rest of your life. (yes – I’m dramatic by nature.)

So about 7 or so years ago, the then guy I was dating, decided that he didn’t want to be with me anymore and ran off to marry his then baby mother. Around that same time, I got into a pretty bad accident that totaled my car and almost totaled my friendship with a good friend of mine who was riding shot gun from a night of partying.

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The night of my accident.

It was 5 a.m. We had stopped at a diner around 4 a.m, after coming back from DC, which was a good hour away from my house. I remember looking over at my homegirl who was fast asleep and thinking “damn she sucks as a passenger.” The next thing I knew, I was veering off the side of the road towards an embankment, I over corrected and hit a jersey wall. What I failed to mention was that this event was preceded by nights of partying, event hopping, and living by the stupid motto “#teamnosleep”.

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After the smack in the head by God, I decided that I needed to baseline my life. So I sat down one evening and wrote down the following 7 categories:

  • Education
  • Career
  • Transportation
  • Relationship
  • Friendships
  • Children
  • Living Situation

Now you can write more or less; the categories are completely subjective and are dependent on the areas in your life where you would like to place your focus. At the time, these items were top of my list.

Once I established my categories, I then made a column for where I was at that very moment in my life. Not where I wanted to be, not the pretty picture I paint for people or the lies I tell myself. The raw and uncut shit-show version that was my life. This was my baseline:

No. Category Baseline
1 Education in school but don’t know when I’ll graduate
2 Career dead end job; boss is the devil 😦
3 Transportation TOTALED; trying to figure out which car I want
4 Relationship single; out of a relationship and still not over it
5 Friendships Some of them are solid; others are hanging on by a thread
6 Children one week at my house, one week at his dad’s
7 Living Situation living with mom

Once I wrote it down, read it out loud and cried a little – I went down each line asking “Is this where I want to be?”, “Do I want more?”,  “Am I better than this?” For each area, the answer was “I deserved better for myself.” So I made another column and I added my goal for each area of my life regardless of how crazy it was. I didn’t confine myself to where I currently was – I dared to dream bigger! (cliche’ enough for you?)

So I made another column and I added my goal for each area of my life regardless of how crazy it was. I didn’t confine myself to where I currently was, what resources I had – I dared to dream bigger! (cliche’ enough for you?)

No. Category Baseline Goal
1 Education in school but don’t know when I’ll graduate Graduate with my Bachelors before 2011
2 Career dead end job; boss is the devil 😦 get the hell out of (insert company name)
3 Transportation TOTALED; trying to figure out which car I want Buy a car
4 Relationship single; out of a relationship and still not over it I’m good – I need to figure out me
5 Friendships Some of them are solid; others are hanging on by a thread Solidify them. Be a better friend. Show up to events and give gifts.
6 Children one week at my house, one week at his dad’s Stability for him at all times.
7 Living Situation living with mom buy a house

This exercise not only pulled me out of my rut but it helped me to refocus my life. It gave me a north star to follow and it taught me to establish boundaries with friends, family, and situations. Inadvertently, it taught me that it was ok to take some time out to focus on me.

XOXO